Quotes from The Forty Rules of Love, by Elif Shafak

 

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"There were more important things than passion and love in marriage, such as understanding, affection, compassion, and that most godlike act a person could perform, forgiveness." - The Forty Rules of Love, Elif Shafak

"This world was not known for its justice, was it.How we see God is a direct reflection of how we see ourselves. If God brings to mind mostly fear and blame, it means there is too much fear and blame welled inside us. If we see God as full of love and compassion, so are we."- The Forty Rules of Love, Elif Shafak

·      "No matter who we are or where we live, deep inside we all feel incomplete. It’s like we have lost something and need to get it back. Just what that something is, most of us never find out. And of those who do, even fewer manage to go out and look for it."- The Forty Rules of Love, Elif Shafak

·      "Most of the problems of the world stem from linguistic mistakes and simple misunderstandings." - The Forty Rules of Love, Elif Shafak

·       "The quest for Love changes us. There is no seeker among those who search for Love who has not matured on the way. The moment you start looking for Love, you start to change within and without." - The Forty Rules of Love, Elif Shafak

·   "Every human being is a work in progress that is slowly but inexorably moving toward perfection." - The Forty Rules of Love, Elif Shafak

·         "We are each an unfinished work of art both waiting and striving to be completed."- The Forty Rules of Love, Elif Shafak

·         "God deals with each of us separately because humanity is a fine art of skilled penmanship where every single dot is equally important for the entire picture."- The Forty Rules of Love, Elif Shafak

·         "It’s easy to love a perfect God, unblemished and infallible that He is. What is far more difficult is to love fellow human beings with all their imperfections and defects. Remember, one can only know what one is capable of loving."- The Forty Rules of Love, Elif Shafak

·        " There is no wisdom without love. Unless we learn to love God’s creation, we can neither truly love nor truly know God."- The Forty Rules of Love, Elif Shafak

·        " Love exists within each of us from the moment we are born and waits to be discovered from then on."- The Forty Rules of Love, Elif Shafak

·        " The whole universe is contained within a single human being –you. Everything that you see around, including the things you might not be fond of and even the people you despise or abhor, is present within you in varying degrees. Therefore, do not look for Sheitan outside yourself either. The devil is not an extraordinary force that attacks from without. It is an ordinary voice within. If you get to know yourself fully, facing with honesty and hardness both your dark and bright sides, you will arrive at a supreme form of consciousness. When a person knows himself or herself, he or she knows God."- The Forty Rules of Love, Elif Shafak

·       "  If you want to change the way others treat you, you should first change the way you treat yourself. Unless you learn to love yourself, fully and sincerely, there is no way you can be loved."- The Forty Rules of Love, Elif Shafak

·         "The past is a whirlpool. If you let it dominate your present moment, it will suck you in."- The Forty Rules of Love, Elif Shafak

·         "Fret not where the road will take you. Instead concentrate on the first step. That’s the hardest part and that’s what you are responsible for. Once you take that step let everything do what it naturally does and the rest will follow. Do not go with the flow. Be the flow."- The Forty Rules of Love, Elif Shafak

·        " We were all created in His image, and yet we were each created different and unique. No two people are alike. No two hearts beat the same rhythm. If God had wanted everyone to be the same, He would have made it so. Therefore, disrespecting differences and imposing your thoughts on others is tantamount to disrespecting God’s holy scheme."- The Forty Rules of Love, Elif Shafak

·        " Hell is in the here and now. So is heaven. Quit worrying about hell or dreaming about heaven, as they are both present inside this very moment. Every time we fall in love, we ascend to heaven. Every time we hate, envy or fight someone, we tumble straight into the fires of hell."- The Forty Rules of Love, Elif Shafak

·        " Why worry so much about the aftermath, an imaginary future, when this very moment is the only time we can truly and fully experience both the presence and the absence of God in our lives?"- The Forty Rules of Love, Elif Shafak

·        " Is there a way to grasp what love means without becoming a lover first? Love cannot be explained. It can only be experienced. Love cannot be explained, yet it explains all."- The Forty Rules of Love, Elif Shafak

·        " The universe is one being. Everything and everyone is interconnected through an invisible web of stories. Whether we are aware of it or not, we are all in a silent conversation. Do no harm. Practice compassion. And do not gossip behind anyone’s back –not even a seemingly innocent remark! The words that come out of our mouths do not vanish but are perpetually stored in infinite space, and they will come back to us in due time. One man’s pain will hurt us all. One man’s joy will make everyone smile."- The Forty Rules of Love, Elif Shafak

·        " This world is like a snowy mountain that echoes your voice. Whatever you speak, good or evil, will somehow come back to you. Therefore, if there is someone who harbors ill thoughts about you, saying similarly bad things about him will only make matters worse. You will be locked in a vicious circle of malevolent energy. Instead for forty days and nights say and think nice things about that person. Everything will be different at the end of forty days, because you will be different inside."- The Forty Rules of Love, Elif Shafak

·        " The past is an interpretation. The future is an illusion."- The Forty Rules of Love, Elif Shafak

·       "  If you want to strengthen your faith, you will need to soften inside. For your faith to be rock solid, your heart needs to be as soft as a feather. Through an illness, accident, loss, or fright, one way or another, we all are faced with incidents that teach us how to become less selfish and judgmental, and more compassionate and generous. Yet, some of us learn the lesson and manage to become milder, while some others end up becoming even harsher than before. The only way to get closer to Truth is to expand your heart so that it will encompass all humanity and still have room for more Love."- The Forty Rules of Love, Elif Shafak

·        " I should mind my inner encounter with God rather than judging other people."- The Forty Rules of Love, Elif Shafak

·        " Most of the time he who complains about others is himself at fault."- The Forty Rules of Love, Elif Shafak

·       "  Every true love and friendship is a story of unexpected transformation."- The Forty Rules of Love, Elif Shafak

·         "There is no such thing as early or late in life. Everything happens at the right time."- The Forty Rules of Love, Elif Shafak

·        " God is a meticulous clockmaker. So precise is His order that everything on earth happens in its own time. Neither a minute late nor a minute early. And for everyone without exception, the clock works accurately. For each there is a time to love and a time to die."- The Forty Rules of Love, Elif Shafak

·         "A life without love is of no account."- The Forty Rules of Love, Elif Shafak

Saving Fish from Drowning, by Amy Tan

 

• ·         “Isn’t that what love is –losing your mind? You don’t care what people think. You don’t see your beloved’s faults, the slight stinginess, the bit of carelessness, the occasional streak of meanness. You don’t mind that he is beneath you socially, educationally, financially, and morally –that’s the worst, I think, deficient morals.”

• ·         “I ask you this: What’s the chance of finding a lasting a marriage? Twenty percent? Ten? Did I know any woman who escaped having her heart crushed like a recyclable can? Not a one. From what I have observed, when the anesthesia of love wears off, there is always the pain of consequences. You don’t have to be stupid to marry the wrong man.”

• ·         “But then I discovered art. I saw for the first time nature and pure feelings expressed in a form I could understand. A painting was a translation of the language of my heart. My emotions were all there –but in a painting, a sculpture. I went to museum after museum, into the labyrinths of rooms and that of my own soul. And there they were –my feelings, and all of them natural, spontaneous, truthful, and free. My heart cavorted within shapes and shadows and splashes, in patterns, repetitions, and abruptly ending lines. My soul shivered in tiny feathered strokes, one eyelash at a time.”

• ·         “No matter what the religious belief in a country, a certain degree of acquisitiveness is always there.”

• ·         “While it is good to speak well, it is better to speak the truth.”

• ·         “In magical lands, magic can happen. But only if we believe. And if we believe, the impossible can happen. What we wish to have will manifest. What we wish to hide turns invisible.”

• ·         “Things are not always what they seem. And what you choose is not always what you get. Others may choose for you.”

• ·         “Bathing is a beautiful necessity, a moment of peace, a cleansing of body and spirit.”

• ·         “Life was merely an illusion you must release.”

• ·         “Death was not a loss of life, but the culmination of a series of releases.”

• ·         “ … within beauty, there is tragedy.”

• ·         “The only thing certain in times of great uncertainty is that people will behave with great strength or weakness, and with very little else in between.”

• ·         “In moments of great danger, many people show their deficiencies.”

• ·         “Through trial with death, you discover your power. Through trial, you shed your mortal flesh, layer after layer, until you become who you are supposed to be. If you die you were mortal all along. But if you survive, you are a god. So, don’t go speaking your doubts so loudly. This god might waken and arise, and if he hears you fickle and fomenting talk he’ll put you in a place with no pretty maidens, just barren rice fields.”

• ·         “A good government had to guide its people, sometimes gently, sometimes strictly, just as parents did. It could allow certain freedoms, but in a style that suited the country. Only the leaders know what that style should be.”

(I thought) I was special, by Windarti

(I thought) I was special

As red as (the sky)

As blue as (the grass)

As green as (the sunshine)

As yellow as (the night)

As black as (the clouds)

As white as (the rose)

(I didn’t know that

All I did was misinterpret the color that you gave)

(But I thought) I was special.

Windarti 2014

LOVE?, Windarti's Poem 2013

LOVE?

People said that love is a two-ways street,

If it is a one-way street, then it isn’t love?

I disagree.

A one-way street, still, it is love.

It’s tiring and lonely, but still, it is love.

It’s helpless, but never be hopeless.

Even when it comes to a dead-end, it is, still, love.

What makes it not?

Windarti, 2013

SELF REVEALING IDENTITY

SELF REVEALING IDENTITY

Maybe this is why some people see me as a boy. Seriously! It’s not one or two people who said that I actually am, a boy: many of them said that. That’s why I began to think about it further; ain’t I a woman?

Well, yes, at some points of my life, I wish, I do really wish to be a man, I mean, if I were a boy, there would be a lot of things I could do that I can’t do it now, as a woman. It’s not because that I ain’t grateful for being a woman; I proud to be one, and if there is a next lifetime, I will certainly choose to be one once more time.

Now, let’s go straight to the point. Do I really look like a boy? What makes them think so? Is it me, who makes them think so, because I try to act like a boy, unconsciously? Do I really wish to be a boy (do a part of me wishes that)? I have no clue about that, but I will try to analyze it more ‘theoretically’ about my case.

The first reason is maybe its just human nature that always wanting everything they haven’t got or experienced. Maybe because I am a woman who lives in a sexist or patriarchal society, I wish to be one different self or sex than my current self and soul. Or maybe, as semiotics or Marxist, or psychoanalyst would say: I want something that they called ‘power’ which men or phallic symbol represents. Maybe as a woman, I see myself as powerless being, then I want to deny myself (Freud theory) by copying or act like a man, because somehow, I feel that what they do is a challenge for me: if they can do that, why I can’t? But I don’t know if it is true or not since I am not quite sure with that.

          The second analysis, I will draw it from queer and feminism perspectives (it doesn’t mean that my sexual orientation is the same sex, though. I still get interested in men). As we know that these two theories have the same roots which differentiate between ‘sex’ and ‘gender’. Sex is the label society puts on us at the second we were born, because of our ‘body’ appearance, whether gender is a performance, a role that we play or construct. In this case, I see myself as a woman, who sometimes plays a role as a man. You got my point? Maybe, my male-role dominated me that much at some occasions so that others see me as a man instead of a woman. Ain’t I still a woman?

If I were a boy, I could make my own freedom of going everywhere at any hours I wanted to. We live in a wrong-way-of-thinking society that puts women as the object (and also the subject at the same time) of crimes. We live in a society that taught that women are defenseless and powerless, so they are the perfect object of crimes. Yet if there are rape cases, women are the one to be blamed. We live in a society who never taught that boys should not be allowed to get out at night, so they wouldn’t be a rapist. That’s why sometimes I act like a boy, so nobody would dare to think that I am defenseless and powerless. I could hit or punch anybody in the face, I speak blatantly, I hang around with my male friends to learn how they think. It is interesting, you know.

This way of thinking led me got into so many new perspectives of lives. I became a feminist. I believe that women and men are different and have different potentials in them: that is why we should be equal, because we all have our own strength and weaknesses. Not equality that up against my religion, but equality on how society sees women as powerful and potential beings that can contribute something to the world, if they are given a chance, so people wouldn’t underestimate women any longer.

I even have a dream that I should be a woman warrior like Alice in Resident Evil, or such. I wanna be a kind of girl that smart, tough, and of course independent. I really love action movies that put women not just as a ‘scenery’ but as the person behind the gun. Was it kind of obsession to be a man? Haha I don’t have any idea about that.

This also what makes me became an anti-mainstream person, I mean, sometimes I have different opinion if it is about metro sexual men or stylish or fashionable men. People always find it weird and they became restless of the appearance of these person. One example is men putting make up or any beauty products on their faces. I don’t think that that’s wrong. What makes beauty products so sexist? It shouldn’t be connected with sex, actually, because it’s about our skin health, who doesn’t want their skin being well-cared for? It’s sad then, that people see men who wearing makeup as gay or queer, and they judged them by saying that, to say that they don’t like them. Well, that’s unfair. For me, men also have to take care of their body (like women do) so that they will perform a good or nice looking every day. It hurts my eyes to see dirty-looked men walking everywhere. Maybe they are afraid of putting that skin care cosmetics because they want to be called macho. Well, what’s macho seriously? I am done with this topic!

I said that it’s self revealing identity, but actually, it is just a little part of my identity (as you know, identity consists of so many aspects of life and it’s just a tiny part of it) of how I see myself as a girl and boy at the same time, and how it contributes to my perspectives towards anything. So, even though I am a woman, I have to think like a man, be tough, and over all, independent, because in this world, you can only count on yourself. I believe that.

I am A Woman, and That’s Okay, Windarti's Poem 2013

I am A Woman, and That’s Okay

I am a woman, and that’s okay.

When I drop my books, none helped me, and that’s okay.

When I fell to the ground, none lift me up, and that’s okay.

When I brought too much load, none offered me help, and that’s okay.

When I got into the car, none opened the door for me, and that’s okay.

When I caught into the rain, none shared an umbrella with me, and that’s okay.

When I cried, none wiped the tears for me, and that’s okay.

Because I am a woman, and if you don’t think so, that’s okay.

I am independent me, and without you, I am okay.

I hope that’s okay for you if I am okay.

Because I am a woman, and that’s okay.

Windarti, 2013

WHAT WILL YOU DO IF YOU ARE ONLY YOUNG TWICE? 29, by Adena Halpern

WHAT WILL YOU DO IF YOU ARE ONLY YOUNG TWICE?

29, by Adena Halpern

Author            : Adena Halpern

Title                : 29

Genre              : Fiction

Total pages    : 267

My stars         : ****

“What if you closed your eyes, blew out the candles, and your wish came true?”

TAKE A GLANCE:

“Ellie Jerome is a young-at-heart seventy-five-year-old who feels she has more in common with her twenty-nine-year-old granddaughter, Lucy, than her fifty-five-year-old daughter, Barbara. Ellie’s done everything she can to stay young, and the last thing she wants is to celebrate another birthday. So when she finds herself confronted with a cake full of candles, Ellie wishes more than anything that she could be twenty-nine again, just for one day. But who expects a wish like that to come true?

29 is the story of three generations of women and how one magical day shakes up everything they know about each other. While Ellie finds that the life of twenty-something is not as carefree as she expected, the sheer joy of being young again prompts her to consider living in her life all over. Does she dare stay young for more than this day, even if it means leaving everyone she loves behind?”

MY IMPRESSIONS:

This book is a real fun and talking about mother-daughter relationship in a light way, because for me, mother-daughter relationship is the most complicated one. Another thing that I can take from this book is the real lessons of youth –because I still young- and this book makes me realize that we have to live our life –so that we have no regret behind.

 I know that my relationship with my mother not as complicated as this book tells me, but I can’t doubt that our relationship has no problem at all. It is true that as a daughter, we have to be the best before our parent’s (especially mother) eyes. By that ‘process’, sometimes we lose ourselves and living the life of somebody else. Maybe for now it is not a big problem since we always want to make our parents proud of us, but it might be a problem someday when we look back on our life and regret something back there. Up to this point, I have so many regrets –maybe not as big as this book tells. If I ever had the chance to go back, I would go back to the day I was born and change every mistake that I’ve done. But if I only have one day, I would go back to –let me think- the day I joined the traditional dance lessons. I shouldn’t have quitted that lesson because now I realize its benefits and I just wanna make everybody around me –that love me and always support me- proud of me, because at that time, I was a talented traditional dancer. Another regret (maybe not regret, but I just wanna travel back), I want to back to my childhood, I wanna play every traditional game that there is none nowadays. I want to play as freely as I can, I just wanna play them all: I miss them. And another thing: I want to go back to my high-school time; I regret I said nothing when my teachers blamed me for mistake that I have not done. I regret I did not shout or yell at them, I regret I didn’t tell them that what they did is wrong, I regret them all, but they are little things that I have to forget anyway.

From this book I have a lesson that I have to live my life, to enjoy them with the joyful heart. Sometimes I wonder what will I do when I find my gray hair (which is I did, but only one or two, so not that surprising), when I look in the mirror that I am no longer young. At the first time, maybe I will say that that must be dreadful, but from now on, I will think that being old is something that we couldn’t stop, although today we have so many anti-ageing cream and cosmetics, but being old is something that we can’t deny. That’s why we have to live our life from now on, so that we have no regret when it comes to the old something. I hope, when I age, I still have youth in my heart and wisdom also so that I can hang out with my grandchildren and told them my opinion based on my experience, they would respect me as their grandmom, but they will always share everything with me as a friend. I wanna be that kind of grandmother someday, just like the combination of Ellie and Frida. =) LIVE YOUR LIFE!!!!! XD

“My dear. May you have everything you want in life. If you should get it all, however, and you still don’t like the outcome, don’t take it as failure. Take it as something to learn from and move on. Believe me, no matter how old you may be, whether you’re twenty-nine or seventy-six, no matter how many years you’ve got left, trust someone who had to learn it the hard way: you’ve still got time to change.”

A LITTLE QUESTION AND MY OPINION:

1. Inspired by the number of candles on her birthday cake, Ellie wishes to be twenty-nine again for a day. What age would you choose to return to and why?

>> 1 year old. I want to live when I was the only children in the family.

2. Ellie believes that if she can have just one day of her youth back, she can erase her regrets. Do you think it’s possible to make up for such regrets in a day?

>> maybe yes, if we know what to fix, when is the right time, and how we fix it.

3. Frida and Ellie have very different outlooks on life and ageing. Ellie wants to go back and redo her youth, while Frida believes that “what’s done is done”. Have their different marriages influenced their outlooks, or is it a difference in personality? Which do you agree with?

>> I think both of them. For Frida, she loves her husband and thinks that she young again, there is nothing she could do without him: her husband=her youth. But for Ellie, the affair of Howard makes her think that life is unfair and thinks like “if only I could go back in time” and change everything, doing something that I haven’t done. It’s like the effect of Howard’s affair.

4. Thinking about her marriage with Howard, Ellie ponders which is better: to marry for love or to marry for security. Is this a product of her upbringing in the 1950s, or is it still relevant for women today?

>> I don’t know but for me, marry for security still relevant for women today. For me, only love is not enough. Marriage is happiness, how could you be happy when you’re insecure?

5. Ellie cares greatly about presentation and image, and has had some cosmetic surgery done. What are your feelings on plastic/cosmetic surgery? Do you plan to take advantage of such procedures as you age?

>> my feeling is good, I mean, it’s good for women to do anything to make them feel good. But I don’t think that I would do that, because I am grateful for what I am today, and I will always be, and I hope my partner will accept me just the way I am and not even suggest me to do that.

6. As Ellie’s day comes to a close, she fantasizes about staying young and running away with Zachary, but in the end she chooses her old life. Did she make the right decision? What would you have done in her place?

>> I think yes. She would have so many people she loves behind if she running away with Zachary: Lucy lost her dearest grandmother, Barbara lost her mother that she loves so much, and Frida would be alone in her old days without a bestfriend who understands her. I would have done the same if I were her.

7. After finding the cards and notes that Howard saved over the years, Ellie comes to the conclusion that he was her soulmate, despite all his flaws. Is she just resigning herself to the reality of the past, or is the proof of his love for her really enough to make up for his affairs?

>> maybe Ellie thinks the second, but for me, that is her resigning to her past. I mean, she tried to be wise, and kill other thoughts that might make her feel bad about her decision.

8. Ellie notes that being seventy-five gets her special treatment, and that this makes her feel old. Is this truly a bad thing? How does our society treat the elderly, and what needs to change?

>> it’s not bad, but to be honest, I would hate to be the center of attention when we try to be independent. I mean our society think that elderly are weak and need their (society) help in everything, and they are so slow, they are old-school, and they are just something that in a queue to the door of the death, just counting the days down. That’s what they need to change. Elderly is also human beings, they have their own lives, privacy, and ideology that no one should disturb. They also wanna live their lives, not the life that full of your pity (that’s how we look them, right? pityful).

NICE QUOTES:

·         “I regret I didn’t show her that working was important, not just for money’s sake, but to do something for yourself.” -29, by Adena Halpern

·         “Believe it or not,  it was almost accepted for a man to have an affair, but oh, no, never a woman.” -29, by Adena Halpern

·         “How wonderful it would have been to have someone in my life who wrote me love letters.” -29, by Adena Halpern

·         “How marvelous it would have been to just have that thrill of someone else finding me attractive.” -29, by Adena Halpern

·         “Don’t we all regret our lives in one way or another and wish we could go back and change them?” -29, by Adena Halpern

·         “My head was everywhere, I was so mixed up.” -29, by Adena Halpern

·         “Today is my day of being selfish, and what I say goes.” -29, by Adena Halpern

·         “The job for the man is to show the lady a nice time. The job for the woman is to look like she appreciates it.” -29, by Adena Halpern

·         “Oh, wonderful, we’re lost! That’s it. That’s all we needed.” -29, by Adena Halpern

·         “A moment comes in everyone’s life when  they realize they’re old. I’m not talking about the day you see your first gray hair or the day you see the hint of a crow’s foot. What I’m talking about is the day when you realize you’ve grown out of being able to adapt to something new.” -29, by Adena Halpern

·         “My days of miniskirt were over. I never wore that dress again. That was when I knew there was no turning back. I was officially older. Until today, of course.” -29, by Adena Halpern

·         “No matter how old your child gets, she’s still your child.” -29, by Adena Halpern

·         “Everything is fine here. Sometimes we all just need some time without questions or problems to solve for everyone else. Sometimes we just need to shot out the world and take some time for ourselves.” -29, by Adena Halpern

·         “what’s done is done.” -29, by Adena Halpern

·         “change is always good.” -29, by Adena Halpern

·         We live, we learn, we move on.” -29, by Adena Halpern

·         “Naivete is one thing. Knowing what’s right is completely different.” -29, by Adena Halpern

·         “sometimes you have no choice in life but to stay where you are and work it out.” -29, by Adena Halpern

·         “There comes a point in a person’s life when they stop accepting new ideas.” -29, by Adena Halpern

·         “Husbands are wonderful, but some of them stray. A true friend? She’s the only one who will never let you down.” -29, by Adena Halpern

·         “It’s wonderful to have a lot of different friends, but it’s most important to have one friend who will be there for you through good times and bad.” -29, by Adena Halpern